my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
