sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
