thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
