Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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