There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
