I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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