Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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