we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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