I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
