I love black thongs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
