i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
