You can't motorboat a personality
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
