Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
