Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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