just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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