and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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