She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The struggles of a small town man whore
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
