i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
