i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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