took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We are all done wearing pants today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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