You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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