just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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