The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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