i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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