Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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