Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize