you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
