Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
