Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
