Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
