She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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