Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
