so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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