Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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