I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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