So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
