I want you more than these girls want KFC
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
