Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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