there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
