i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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