If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
