yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
