My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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