First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
