I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
