you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
