Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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