She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
