So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have aggressive nipples.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
