you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
