Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
