i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
