remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize