On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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