dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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