Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
