Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
