At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
