The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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