honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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