The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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