I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
