I cannot find my penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize