i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will pee on everything he values.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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