what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
