if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
