Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
