i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
