i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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