Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
